Are You List Worthy?

Another blog from the ole Myspace account that I started back in July 2007. Thought I should continue/update it here.

It really started as a take on the classic – one of many – Seinfeld episodes called “Sponge Worthy.” Granted, the…er…subject matter is slightly different…the same principal applies in the quotations world.

If you need a refresher, please refer below…

Latest additions will surely include “Twote of the Day,” which reflects memorable, list-worthy quotes straight and hot off the Twitter feeds.

Some of these will be hilarious to first-time readers, others won’t seem so obvious, while others will definitely be of the “I-guess-you-had-to-be-there” variety. But that’s the point of this. All of them are random, but yet, funny.

Please keep in mind, that names and identities have been changed to protect the offending quoters…unless otherwise blatantly listed for humiliation purposes.

So I have been meaning to do this for a while; to keep a running record of some of the crazy, memorable, random, funny quotes that I have heard.

These have mainly been uttered by friends, family, acquaintances, co-workers, TV personalities, strangers, passers-by, celebrities, or myself, and they are so good that I needed to write them down so that I wouldn’t forget them…and mainly so that when I needed a good laugh, I am reminded of the good times associated with each.

P.S., If you know me, and I have overlooked an infamous quote of yours, please don’t hesitate to remind me about it in a comment to this post, so that I can add it to the list! ARE YOU LIST WORTHY?!!!!

  • “I have this vision of you flying on a magic carpet and headed towards good things!” – Karen S.
  • “We would make gorgeous butterscoth babies!” – RR
  • “We don’t have a veggie burger, but you can have the turkey burger.” – Waitress at Tri-County Friday’s
  • “I’m straight and want some Maureen!” – RR
  • “…gotta go!” – Puss-in-Boots from Shrek 3, and Toni
  • “…well, you can have the butter…it doesn’t have any animals in it.” – 42-year-old, female, Hallmark co-worker
  • “You’re my favorite everything.” – RR
  • “Oh! You mean like the ’marines?!’” – Man, upon meeting me
  • “…I hope lunch doesn’t mean strip club.” – Dave
  • “I’ll take a water on the rocks.” – Order Mandy received at Tropicana
  • “Flaaaaaaacid penis!” – Me to Mandy
  • “You have a diamond of SEMEN on your forehead!” – Me to Mandy, in front of my parents, at the dinner table; I meant to say “sebum”
  • “Guess who I waited on last night! Sammy Samosa!” – Mandy
  • “It’s strange what desire can make foolish people do!” – Mandy’s drunk text message
  • “I’m a sad clown.” -Mandy
  • ” He doesn’t know about the mind/heart games raging in my head.” – Heidi R.
  • “What’s up ducks?!” – Mom
  • “RAWR!!” – RR
  • “You used Vivien Leigh, and Marlon Brando to open my eyes to what is really going to happen in the future for each one of us.” – Mom
  • “…a car called desire.” – Mom
  • “I am attracted to older men…but I always find myself in the company of boys.” – My response when asked what kind of man I’m looking for
  • “…I like the women with the FLAVA!” – RR
  • “Stay up brownie!” – Me to my cousin Sammy
  • “You’re what I look for in another human being.” – RR
  • “…crazy, crazy…” – Reba D.
  • ” I love dong.” – Anonymous
  • “You are the most beautiful Indian woman.” – Random Indian guy cupping my face, on the dance floor at Ciceros.
  • “He’s a walking STD!” – Mandy
  • “Maureen look!! It’s my baby Bible!!!” – Toni, at Palomino
  • “I almost went Brooke on her! -Toni referring to Brooke’s (of The Real World’s Colorado fame) infamous tirade; Toni almost had a similar episode with a Tri-county Mall’s Macy’s saleswoman.
  • “That makes me a sad panda.” – RR
  • “You know it’s time to go when you want to cuss someone out…in a church…in front of little children!” – Toni referring to a bad work situation
  • “I love Jesus…but I drink a little.” Gladys Hardy, 83-year-old viewer from Austin, who Ellen calls regularly on The Ellen DeGeneres Show
  • “Baby Samuel!” – Me to RR
  • “…my VaJayJay!” – Oprah, on her nickname for a certain part of the female anatomy
  • “You’re sooo tan!” “Compliment” made to Mandy by her former co-worker at Tropicana
  • “Do u mean his ’thud’ ?” – Mom
  • “You have Alicia Silverstone’s mouth!!” – The most frequent “Hollywood/celebrity-look-alike” compliment I receive
  • “I got my ear and cartilage priced!” Hunter, he meant to say “pierced”!!
  • “We keep giving each furtive glances!” Me, to my newly-moved-in-next-door neighbor
  • “Bowling?!!! Why would he think I would want to go bowling?!!! Do I look like the type of person who likes to bowl?!!” – Brooke, The Real World Colorado
  • “Salad is made out of milk.”- Me, to Mandy
  • “You have such three beautiful daughters!” A pA patient to my Dad, upon seeing a picture of my dad, my mom, my sister, and I.
  • “You suuure are puuuurrdy!” – Compliment to me from countless red-neck men
  • “There’s no meat at this breakfast!!” – I said angrily to my mom during my pre-vegan days
  • “She doesn’t look like Beyonce!…I saw her Myspace profile!” – Mandy
  • “I’m Caucasian!” – Katie H.
  • “You look like your mom, from the back!” – Someone to Toni
  • “Yeah, yeah, yeah…but where’s the rum?!” – Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  • “The Vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallleey!!” – Mandy
  • “You’re my soup bitch.” – Me, to Mandy
  • “…nobody wants to see us together…but I got you!” – Mandy constantly sings to me
  • “You wound me.” – My mantra to Mandy
  • “I need a job where I can make a lot of money…like Dora! [The Explorer]. I bet she makes a lot of money!” -Katie H.
  • “…the Discoveryland logo makes me cranky.” – Karen S.
  • “…you can make me cum, but that doesn’t make you Jesus.” – Tori Amos, Precious Things
  • “Uh, oh! That’s a no-no!” – Miss Toni Genea, on the runway
  • “My daughter is away at college majoring in Communications, but she never writes or calls home!” – Cartoon my Dad sent me while I was at NKU…majoring in Journalism!
  • “He is also known as Stepbrother.” – Me, about the stray kitten I adopted
  • “I can do a lot with that nubbin.” – Me, referring to a co-worker’s amputated ring finger (when I worked in the ER).
  • “Lines drawn in the sand will eventually fade.” – Will
  • “If you sit on the fence long enough, your crotch will eventually start hurting.” – Will
  • “I’m a supermodel!” – Miss Toni Genea
  • “I don’t think of you as white. You’re my black friend!” – Me about my friend Jamie, who is white
  • “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” – Mahatma Gandhi
  • “Thou shalt not kill” does not apply to murder of one’s own kind only, but to all living beings; and this Commandment was inscribed in the human breast long before it was proclaimed from Sinai.” – Leo Tolstoy
  • “And God said, ’Behold, I have given you every herb-bearing seed which is upon the face of the earth, and every tree in which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed: to you it shall be as meat….’”- Genesis 1:29, King James Translation
  • “And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor political, nor popular, but he must take it because his conscience tells him that it is right.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
  • “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke
  • “A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead
  • “I can accept failure, but I can’t accept not trying” – Me
  • “Umm…umm…umm.” – What Toni says when something is so crazy, ridiculous or unfathomable, or plain ole’ stupid.
  • “You’re the most phenomenal puddy-cat!” – My daily mantra, to my phenomenal Siamese cat, Fiona
  • “…I’m goin’ to need you to get it together!…K?!”- Toni
  • “I can see her becoming President!” – My high school sophomore history/homeroom teacher, to my parents in a parent/teacher conference
  • “You can be the guardian of my lettuce…how’s my lettuce now Maureen?” – Chad, about his hair
  • “Sitting pretty for now, but when action starts is when I get ugly!” – Dave
  • “You make me tingle in my boy parts.”- RR
  • “What we have is reality, right now I’m selling my soul for a fistful o’ dollars.” – Dave
  • “You look like a Mexican construction man…in that hat.” – Mandy, my loving sister, to me
  • “Guess who’s naked?!” -Dave
  • “…I have a lot of odd obsessions, but peacocks and glitter is not one of them.” – RR
  • “It’s just lil ole me!” – Toni
  • “Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” – Me, to Fiona
  • “You guessed skeetin’ like lickety-split!” – Dave
  • “Good thing I have such a hot ass.” – RR
  • “Meow.” – Either Fiona or me
  • “The D-to the-U-to the-P-to the-S-to the-T-to the-E-to the-R!” – Again…Mandy, to me.
  • “Whistle while you work…!” – Mandy, to me
  • “IRregardless of the situation!” – Jamie
  • “All those menses!” – Toni
  • “The WORLD is on Myspace!” – Me, to Toni on why should she get a Myspace account
  • “Whatchya diamond!” – Mom
  • “We’re so close…we could be sisters!” – Hunter to Katie
  • “It’s no telling what you girls are doing up there!” – Mrs. Green, about Toni and I
  • “My mom was going to name me Huckleberry.” – Hunter
  • “This day doesn’t count!..I’m starting tomorrow!” – Mandy, after a really bad day, in which she was not very “Christ-like.”
  • “It shouldn’t do that!” – Victoria’s Secret saleswoman, after Toni returned a pair of underwear that ripped before she even put them on
  • “I consider myself an amateur hottie now…one day I’ll be a professional.” – RR
  • “I have a meeting in the Plum Room!” – Hunter
  • “Mommy!…get Daddy!” – Toni
  • “She out there playin in that water.” – Mr. Green about Mrs. Green using the sprinklers and doing gardening
  • “I’m going to be outta pocket that weekend.” – Irvetta, not being able to entertain guests because her house was messy
  • “I wish I could have lunch with Sanjaya!” – Hunter
  • “You know I make you tingle in your girl parts.” – RR
  • “Vegans taste better.” – Anonymous
  • “Real men don’t eat meat.” – Anonymous
  • “That’s a ray-ray right there.” – Irvetta, about stereotypical, “ghetto-like” behavior, as three people fought in the middle of the street
  • “Stupid idiot!” – Toni, to people acting ignorantly
  • “If people ask for it, then give it to them.” – Mr. Green, about dealing with extremely and unnecessarily rude people
  • “Thanks for being a team player!” – Karen S.
  • “You guys are craaazy!” – Toni, about Mandy and me
  • “These crazy people!” – Toni, about the Las Vegas Real World Reunion cast members
  • “Do they have any rice noodles!?” – Toni
  • “Let’s get some su-shay!” – Toni
  • “I don’t like you, your family, or your friends, but I do like your cute kitty! Aww kitties!” – RR
  • “Turtle green for the tortoise.” – Mandy, to me
  • “I like your face.” – RR to me
  • “This whole d?n world is crazzzzzzy!!” – Toni
  • “Is he the CEO or something?!” – Mandy
  • “What are you guys doing over there?!” – Toni, about Mandy and I
  • “That Mandy is crazy!” – Toni
  • “You better get on that before that ship sails to the far East.” – Mandy, to me about a guy I found interesting
  • “Currito?…I want HIS burrito!” – Mandy, about said mentioned guy
  • “…you’re making me feel nerdylicious.”- RR to me
  • “Toni?…do you think you and Maureen could share Maureen’s sandwich?” – Karen S. to Toni, after she ate Toni’s Chipotle burrito. Karen called the burrito a sandwich
  • “Kitson!” – Mandy, to Kitty
  • “…this is the last dance of the Mohican.” – Mandy
  • “Don’t worship me until I’ve earned it.” – Shirley MacLaine, Terms of Endearment
  • “Correta Skank.” – Me to Toni. I meant to say “Corretta Scott King”
  • “It’s illegal…it’s the law.” – Hunter about a sketchy work situation
  • “…no! just go!…by the time you put your bra on, it’ll be 10 o’clock!!” – Me to Toni, at 9:45 p.m.
  • “Those people aren’t joking around.” – Me to Toni, about Nevisians (and Jamaicans) and the quality of island weed
  • “I’m a piggie foodie.” – Me to Mandy
  • “I’m adorable! You should totally be making out with me right now!” – RR to me
  • “…I have to stop eating, otherwise I will gain.” – Me to Mandy, regarding a recent junk food binge
  • “Is someone tickling your vagina?!!!” RR to me, because I sounded “funny” on the phone
  • “You look like a moonpie chipmunk.” – Me to Mandy, about a recent Myspace default pic
  • “You’re a wandering bear.” – Mandy to me, after I awoke from a nap
  • “Hey Hunter, do you watch ’Hey Paula?’” – Toni to Hunter. “Paula Deen?!” Hunter responded in a southern, high-pitched drawl
  • “…justice found him in the butt.” – Kathy Griffin to a friend, about a gay pornstar
  • “Hey Hunter, did you hear that Christiane will be doing a missions training on a sailboat?” – Toni to Hunter. “You mean like a pirate?!” – Hunter responded gleefully.
  • “You two seem hyped up…are you cooking beans?” – My mother asked over the phone, of my sister and I.
  • Unless something comes up in the next five hours or so…this goes down as the last noteworthy (and list worthy…if you know about my quotes list) of 2007.
  • “Hey…he likes you…he gave you a clock and whiskey.” – Me to Mandy about our uncle.
  • “This seems like a long-dong-man kind of scenario!” – Me to Mandy about a scene in Foxy Brown.
  • @amyscaliaamyscalia: @veganjacob twote of the day #1: “I think you need to be studied.” 9:27 AM Nov 20th, 2008 from web in reply to veganjacob
  • @amyscaliaamyscalia: @veganjacob quote of the day #6: “You can’t tell people about me. They won’t respect my work.” 3:52 PM Nov 18th, 2008 from web in reply to veganjacob
  • @amyscaliaamyscalia: @veganjacob quote of the day #5: “I just got a missed call from a number that’s a million. How does a million call?” 3:51 PM Nov 18th, 2008 from web in reply to veganjacob
  • @amyscaliaamyscalia: @veganjacob quote of the day #4: “I’m not really a female” 3:50 PM Nov 18th, 2008 from web in reply to veganjacob
  • @amyscaliaamyscalia: @veganjacob quote of the day #3: “What’s the company policy on drinking margaritas at lunch?” 2:13 PM Nov 18th, 2008 from web in reply to veganjacob
  • @amyscaliaamyscalia: @veganjacob quote of the day #2: “ginger-rail” (that’s right, not ginger ale) 8:49 AM Nov 18th, 2008 from web in reply to veganjacob
  • @amyscaliaamyscalia: @veganjacob quote of the day: “I just want to kiss him, but I don’t want him to take it the wrong way.” 8:24 AM Nov 18th, 2008 from web in reply to veganjacob
  • @mommybits: just asked boys if they wanted a little bro/sis. SM’s response…”I’d rather have a donkey” Guess that’s a no

~ by Maureen on February 5, 2009.

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